6/4/2007 Vertigo To Go
It's getting worse and worse. I'm beginning to think it's an indication of something bad. It might be a tumor. It can come on all the time now, when I move my head or not, even when I close my eyes. I looked in the mirror yesterday and one pupil is bigger than the other. The internet says that this fact in itself does not indicate a tumor as 20% of the population has it anyway, but the evidence is mounting. I have a Ear, nose and Throat doctor's appointment on the 15th but I wish I had insisted it was sooner.
Of course, if it is a tumor, that might come as a tremendous relief. If I have two months to live, I'll go fricken wild for two months like I never have before.
I did have some fun at the ball game. Our seats were excellent and the vertigo didn't seem so bad for a while. It was a good game.
But being at the ballpark had major drawbacks. There were so many pretty girls there, I felt like Quasimodo. What a cruel joke god has played on me. To have these women spark such desire in me and yet I have no tools to draw their interest. Did I say Quasimodo? I meant the Phantom of the Opera. I felt so fat, so ugly. Water water everywhere, not a drop...
I wish there were a god, I'd square him in the jaw. But I'm sure if he were here, he'd beat me to the punch. How could I ever match such cruelty as his?
I'm becoming depressed. Really depressed, not just figurative depression. I woke up this morning and I couldn't figure out why the fuck I'm even trying. I go to work for what? No one cares what I do. I get up with a dizzy head, for what? I eat my vitamins, for what? What the fuck am I trying for?
That's a tough question and I'm just not up to answering it right now. Whenever someone asks that question, it is more indicative of how they feel than any intellectual crisis. Life seldom seems meaningless during orgasm. No matter who makes it happen.
I cannot continue on my treatise on Love At First Site, Either. I'll continue it tomorrow, perhaps. For now, I wish you well.
No comments:
Post a Comment