5/24/2007 Return Of The Dizziness

5/24/2007 Return Of The Dizziness

Boring day in a boring life. Yesterday morning I felt better than I have in a long time. I haven't said this on this site before, but I have been suffering from Positional Vertigo. I am not going to go into what that is, there is plenty of info on the web, but I will say that I get dizzy when my head changes position. There are no other symptoms, but I do find that I become exhausted very quickly this way. Yesterday it was gone and I felt good. This morning I felt great and had more energy than I have had in a long time. I went to work and tore into it, but I crashed a few hours later. The vertigo has returned with a vengeance, and i came home early today. That sucks. I am living like an old man, by the time the day's half over I just want to go to bed.

I am getting down right now. In the past, I have battled with depression. But depression seems to be a left in the past these days, and I'm not entirely sure why. Anyway, I can't help but think negative right now. I have gained forty pounds in the last year. I am getting older and now I can consistently gain weight on a moderate diet. I get angry when I see thin people around me eating enough food for me to record a three pound gain in one day in one sitting. I have been cursed with these genes. It gets me angry and I get tired thinking about it. If I stop eating, I will be hungry all the time and lose little, if any, weight at all. If I keep eating then I will be 300lbs soon. Whatever.

No doubt some of you don't want to hear that. Conservatives always want you to “take responsibility”. The number of people in society who have maintained a consistent workout program for the last six months, 8%. That means that 90% of us are the way we are because of our genes. People don't want to hear that. Asking a thin person to believe the truth is like asking them to give up their gold medal and take a bronze.

But then what difference would it make if we admitted it? People don't like fat. God don't like ugly, even if he is the one that created it. No one holding him responsible for his mistakes. And no one is going to cut me any slack just because this isn't my fault. The best I'll get is pity, which never fails to make things worse.

Well, anyway, I was going to continue my treatise on “love at first site”. Today, the story of Jen, who was my last big crush. But I will type that into the next post, so see above. In a little bit.