07/10/2007 Nanking? Guantanamo? Ah... The Behavior Of Grown-Ups

07/10/2007 Nanking? Guantanamo? Ah... The Behavior Of Grown-Ups ;)

I once had a younger person working under me. He had trouble showing up on time, and had wide mood swings. He used to run down hallways and jump about, often endangering other employees and their work (not that they resented him for it, they thought it was funny.) When I sat him down and had a meeting with him, he told me, “I think the company is stealing people's souls.”

My own managers scoffed at this. “Immaturity” they declared, and we moved on to the subject of how to “correct” this misconception and the behavior of this employee. Years later, the same employee would admit that he, in fact, was immature when he said that.

Utter nonsense. Now, let's say this: a lot of us feel that way when we are young. A lot of us give up this thinking later, declaring that we have “grown up.” But tell me, how many “grown ups” do you really see when you look around? Do we learn to do what's right, or do we simply reach a point where no one tells us we're wrong anymore?

Do we grow up? Or do we give up? Give up our happiness, give up our dreams? Many would say that it's immature just to ask. I would say that this is defense, and personal hurts shouldn't get in the way of rigorous thought about this society, growing up and what toll it takes on the human soul. Shall we ignore it to save the feelings of people because they cannot find meaning in their lives and don't want to have to think about it?

Do we grow up? Or do we give up? Do we ever answer the question of how to keep our souls, or do we learn not to ask? When we are young, like the man in my example, we can ask such questions. He still had his life ahead, literally. He could still be a doctor, an accountant, a baseball player, a rock star, a president. But if you're 40 and you still don't know what the meaning is in your life, what do you do? To answer that question, I'll ask another.

Why do therapists always blame the parents? Answer: because if someone doesn't blame the parents, the parents will blame the kids. Think about it; what did your parents blame you for? Did your parents ever tell you that they could have been poets, presidents, philosophers, singers, but they gave it all up to care for you? So now you're the reason they couldn't achieve their dreams? Never mind that they logged hours a day in front of the TV. And I'm sure there's more. We blame our children for so much. They are the reasons we divorce, the reasons we drink, the reasons we throw tantrums, the reasons we have to molest them and beat them. And what's worse, they are the meaning in our lives. Why go to a job you hate every day? To put your kid through school. When they are done with school? That's their problem. Then I'll retire to Florida where the weather's nice and watch TV some more, maybe play some golf.

All of this ethical framework defends you from doing one thing: what you want to do. What did you want to do when you were a child? Actually, most children are already so fearful that they won't even allow themselves to want to do something. So the question is, what did you dream of doing? And not just because your daddy did it. What did you dream about doing in your head where no one could see? It doesn't have to be just one thing. Was it to be a great leader? Was it to be a great singer? To write a great novel? To be a great actor? To hit the two out homer in the ninth to win it? To hit the big three at the buzzer?

I don't believe that any of us really dream of being janitors, actuaries, bankers. Not for a second. And when we “grow up”, we accept all this moral framework designed to keep us all in line. To keep us from valuing our dreams.

Consider the difference in our thought versus some other philosophies. In Buddhism, there is a saying, “If you see the Buddha, kill him.” What that means is, that Buddha taught the way of the world. Therefore, you should follow the way of the world. To follow a way because Buddha taught it is considered wrong. Contrast that with our Christian ideal that we should follow the bible. That God's word is not necessarily always apparent to us, and so we must have, “faith” and do what the church tells us. Consider how far behind the christians have left the sermon on the mount and how for centuries in the dark ages they would execute religious groups that went against their doctrine, and we see that Christianity is not about human happiness but order.

And that's what “growing up” is, submitting to order. Granted, many of us rationalize this by thinking that following the order must lead to happiness, no matter how we suffer for it. To step out of the order and pursue our dreams is a path fraught with fear. And if you never take that step, or become aware of the true reasons you accept this order, you are not alone. But the next time a young person tells you that the jobs is stealing their soul, think twice about what you really want to tell them.